That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
