hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
