he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
