I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Randomize
