This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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