I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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