ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize