I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
