i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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