plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize