i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
