were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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