good thing vaginas are great cup holders
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
