you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
