My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
