I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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