I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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