Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
