if i can run in heels then i can drive
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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