I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
