Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
