The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
