i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize