new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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