He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
send nudes
from the living room?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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