I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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