Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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