Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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