it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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