So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
