All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
