i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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