i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
