I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
