You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
