Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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