It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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