just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize