this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
