I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
