so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
