I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
