everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm always down for nudity.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
