We named our party play list daddy issues
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
did you just send me my own nude
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
