he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize