tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
All the doctor said was why
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