I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
