sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
