my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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