yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
