You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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