I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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