Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
