There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
