My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize