what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
