The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
