I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
