We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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