i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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