"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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