Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
