Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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