The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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