these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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