Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
