We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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