Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
